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Who on earth does #4, besides a small boy under 6? (Im looking at you, mom, and you too, aunt.). The good news is that when you sense an ulterior motive or that an invitation is imminent you can answer Dunno, Id have to look at my calendar to say for sure. By mentioning the weekend, it ' s a great segue to ask them what they ' re doing. In fact, you probably have all of these thoughts when a guy asks, "What are you doing this weekend?". Busy busy busy! Funny Responses To What Are You Doing Actively waiting for my problems to go away. Mittens and I can primal scream together. They are called Saturday and Sunday." - Anonymous 3. No, it had just been earlier that very day. Maybe you can Google it. Numbered point 4 specifically says LW doesnt understand why people are asking this, hence the many explanations of different reasons people ask, and while the possible manipulation is noted in numbered points 2 and 3, its not the only thing LW is asking about, while point 3 suggests to me that LW may well be reading manipulation into cases where people are just curious or are actually trying to do the planning themselves (by finding out if LW is even available for a possible activity), not trying to make zir do the planning, as ze suspects. Whats shes for is waiting on and attending to others, and without an opportunity to do that, she must be sitting alone rocking back and forth in the dark. If partying and watching Netflix is the only thing you dream of doing, don't pretend that you spend your days filling out job applications. Whenever people accept this answer, I know I am dealing with human beings who understand their goodness as a constant learning process. Which has been said in other comments and is important enough to say again. Lets get together. But you have never issued a direct invitation to me in your life. Next week, tell me how it went? And then make myself a note to specifically ask about it. Flying in a rocket ship. Of course, you might have said that when you know that movie will be out for weeks and youd absolutely prefer to have an excuse to build a couch cushion fort and have an audience who is actually impressed by your terrible magic tricks, and no one wins. People here are talking about changing a norm, but you have in fact learned the norm correctly, and Im sure this whole conversation feels like slipping sand beneath your feet. (huge smile) I told you that this is our private time and we will not be walking with you! I know people who mean well dont like hearing this, but I think that its important for people who mean well to also consider how the people they interact with might feel, so I consider this type of information to be useful to anyone who truly wants others to feel welcomed and comfortable. Once we own that, and stop feeling guilty, etc., it becomes easier to seize the power, and it becomes easier to think of what we ARE going to say. Covid-19 lockdown: what to say when asked what you did last night ), its pure formula. 3. Its not an actual request for information, its a greeting and acknowledgement of each others existence. Life is filled with lots of required thing that some folks loathe and others either like or dont care either way. Wake up late Sunday morning and go ride or play in the mud. With some people, though, perfect honesty might be the best solution if you expect them to follow you closely in social media: Uh oh, that week is really busy and I am going to be very tired and stressed in [time]. But then theres her Im going to need you to be my helper for Christmas Day because Im getting older, and that doesnt seem so presumptuousits MY Christmas Day and MY extended family too. If you have people in your life who you trust not to get offended at this exchange, definitely give this method a try. Hey, dont you owe me one for babysitting last Onesday? Feel free to say no if youre busy/dont want to, usually leads to assurances that she *totally* does want to hang out, Saturday is great, etc. Me:why? Not least of which, I never felt obligated to pick up on any of his hints ever again. Most of them, anyway. Alternatively were just going to have to start getting out of bed earlier so we dont run into them, but I suspect that if she realised we were doing that she might actually change her own schedule. The method that has been the most successful for me is to ask one person if theyre available/interested in an event, work out a date, and then specify such event in a group chat. Also, that is very common; very few people I know can really remember everything they are doing for months ahead. Mother likes to trap me. Unless youre at the stage of an established friendship where you have agreed to get together for dinner every other Saturday, or are discussing plans for the next visit to your long-distance sweetie during this visit, any actual social plan is only going to happen after someone risks discovering that the other person is less interested than they are. How about you? If they push after that, theyre admitting theyre either not listening or not respecting my feelings. And making things even harder, so much of this is tonea chipper Why do you ask? to the above question is a soft deferral, whereas a flat Why do you ask may be offputting in a way that leverages a cost. But they seemed concerned that this type of answer was not appropriate or that there might be a better strategy. Its really cool to see how other people approach this stuff and I liked learning from your comment! Thats my go-to when someone asks me what I am doing at some point in the near future. And then coming up with all kinds of bizarre but obvious lies about how they reason theyre acting that way is solely for *my* benefit. And when they do, you need to be prepared with the most appropriate reply to make the most of the situation. Oh god then you might need to find less-jerky friends, probably. Im glad youre no longer friends with that jerk. Rock the anger, LW. Also my spouse and I have given each other full permission to use the other one as an excuse whenever needed. I kind of like your signature line as a response! It feels invasive what I do on my weekends is my business. Why? After some reflection, my normal version of this (me asking) is You free this weekend? The fallout you talk about? I may need some babysitting "You know I can do this anytime.". Take care of your boundaries! My mum likes to do similar things, trying to out me on the spot and pressure me to agree to things when Im on the phone to her. You could just ask. If you have plans, just say so. I know this is a small complaint, in the grand scheme of things, and I usually handle it by changing the subject to something Im interested in if I *do* feel like conversing. All of these. For me, laundry is a good excuse, because you can make it seems as small or as big as youd like. Same thing you're doing, talking to you now. I dislike being asked this question too, except in my case its more that I dont want to be asked this question by coworkers, ever. Never trust Calvin, even if you see Hobbes! What are you doing for dinner? You can try to head it off by always responding with some activity youre doing that could theoretically make you busy if it turns out you need to be busy But frankly if someone is trying to manipulate you then you have a manipulative person problem, not a specific question problem. For example, while my wife and I are paying with a credit card after having Saturday morning breakfast, and while the receipt is printing out, the cashier will say, So, you guys got any good plans for the weekend?. My Kid: No (shuts door again) The fact that LW is this bugged about it shows theres a problem and the parent is being manipulative. If I have to treat her like a grownup, and not like my minor child that I can boss around, she can fucking treat ME like a grownup, and not like her mommy that she takes for granted. Why? To me layering (which I definitely do) is more about putting my information out there first and hinting that Ill be chill if you say no, as opposed to initiating the conversation while asking the other person to show their cards first, which feels at the least unfair, and at the most, as you say, like a trap. Skip the part where you say Ill have to check my calendar or even Im not surejust go ahead and ask them what they have in mind! So of course, you tell her, youll all walk separately from now on (keep the cheery loud voice of happy certainty and smile hugely the whole time). I dont worry when people say no to me either. In fact this letter reminds me a lot of a lady I knew once who moved to the US from a different english-speaking country and took offense to people asking her where she was from when they heard her accent. If I say why and she responds with something easily done another time or only sort of appealing, Ill judge it against a nice evening of doing nothing and maybe pass. If I just say it sounds fun but Im not up to it, they respect that. Im with this LWask me to do a specific thing or dont. You can also better manage your time because you can text her at anytime you want. You can help!'. The people asking the question are rude and betraying their bigotry. Or why do I feel entitled to her presence and her company? Agreed I dont think that the question signals the other person should do all the planning, i think its a way to judge how willing and able they are to hang out sometime in the immediate future. I feel like its somewhat related to not saying no also). )/co-workers, who usually uses the So what are you doing this weekend? as an opener to telling me all the awesome stuff theyve planned for themself for the weekend. (My brother and sister in particular also had to learn from both their friends and myself that, just because they love me and love them doesnt mean that were all friends) I could only imagine if that question were followed by an expectation of service or freedom to assume I was going to a thing. Or is it more like she doesnt get involved into such decisions but you expect her to follow through and water your radishes? The joke about (insert joke) cracked me up on your profile. This comment has clarified a thing for me. I wish that just once I had the wherewithal to respond to a manipulative invitation like LW describes with the classic Phoebe Buffet line: Oh, I wish I could, but I dont want to.. Funny Responses to Rude Comments Sorry fella, I don't have the energy to pretend to like you today. What are you doing this weekend? It doesnt actually mean how are you? in the same way that goodbye does not actually mean God be with you. What it means is, I acknowledge you, fellow human being. In some ways, its helpful to think of it not as a phrase but as a pair of words: how-are-you, fine-thanks-and-you. After decades of various sorts of problem behavior from my father, I literally hit a brick wall of having had enough, and weve been done ever since. If someone just using what are you doing on __ as a casual opening to issue an invite, it gives them the opening they need. Funny Responses to "What Are You Doing?" - Mom Advice Line I like babies and pets just fine, but unless the baby is under a year old and sleeps a lot, and you have a super chill pet, Im not up to the task. I like your point that it does actually give people the outyouve put it in their minds that they can say Im busy., Its what I dothough I often try to say the thing first (Want to go to a movie? YES, THIS. I might even be more direct My kids and I need the walk to school for ourselves. @freyasacksen I have a friend who will almost always respond with, Still alive. Always true. And just because my plans dont include hanging out with anyone or leaving my home, it doesnt mean that I am free or willing to cancel them. I ask what are your plans for the weekend? *overwhelmingly* more often because Im genuinely curious: then they ask me, and we talk about our hobbies (or I say not much and we agree that laying around is nice.) My white mom has a very unusual first name (I dont know of anyone with a name that is even similar, AND its spelled with a non-English character) and, 40 years after she moved to the US people still ask her where shes from. I agree with you based on what shes told me, it feels very othering, and she resents it. I also think that most of the people I hang out with get this, and with the exception of more formal plans, would agree. Me: No can do. And I had to say to her, over the airport thing: Act like a grownup. Darn, my wife wants me home early [so we can watch Netflix on the couch with our cat].. 1. LW, one of the things you could do is take a hobby (or pretend to) and have that as your backup plans. Okay, there is something a bit screwy with this guy. Thank you! . Must say I kinda love your kids response. I think my own culture is more ask-y, but I had a pretty pushover personality and often felt, well, pushed around by the people around me. Our college was selling cheap tickets for an outdoor ice skating event. It sounds to me like an attempt to take away my ability to say no. 65+ Funny Responses to Everyday Questions! - Self Development Journey But I dont ask them where theyre from, because its really none of my business; there are other kinds of small talk to make. Vacuuming the cat or shaving the yak* or something. I just wanted to add that in my experience as a POC in a white majority country its mostly been well-meaning people who have made me feel discriminated against. (Like, Im the kind of introvert who is good with people but I know a few who are just exhausting and who drain my battery super quickly), Could you have a conversation with her about, Were gonna have to schedule when all of our kids are walking to school. 2, They ask assuming Im also from somwhere else, prepared to bond over that and my answer is almost always a small dissapointment and Im never sure quite what to do with that. If its as specific as Thursday, thats true, but I find when its a larger stretch like the weekend or the holidays its just as likely to be an attempt to get to know you and learn about your hobbies, interests, routine, etc, and find out if you have anything in common/have a life they find interesting/etc. Jumping from Are you doing anything on the 3rd? to I need to know if youre coming on the 3rd so I know how many pies to bake! would be really confusing. So I know what youre talking about. I always do this, too, especially if I get the vibe they want something from me other than just hanging (like baby/pet-sitting). But why would you feel entitled to her time to help with party favors for a party youre throwing? It is really really worth it for people in all possible situations to understand being ethical as something you need to work on and not as something you already are by default and need no guidance and no dialogue for. (Right Now): What are you doing sometimes means at the very present in which activity are you involved in? 26+ Funny Responses to Being Asked on a Date (Replying Yes or No) Your family is going to judge you for any serious answer you give anyway, so you might as well beat them to the criticism. Ive found that Why do you ask? comes across as a little cold or accusatory over text, but can be really warm/ friendly in person or over the phone. Dont do that to a friend. I agree with the Captain that its all about boundaries. I dont feeling hes hitting on me exactly, though I am not answering in a way he likes/expects (am I supposed to be chatty bc Im young-ish and female? I Hope You. My small college town has become a lot more cosmopolitan over my lifetime, and weve got enough of an international population now that Im deeply curious about many of the customers at the store where I work. Which brings me right back to not understanding why parents do this to themselves and their children. Id like to get you to take out the trash.), There *is* a certain amount of call on her time that I -do- feel entitled to (she lives in my home, not hers; shes a member of my family). Thats where I am as well with my kid. Then we give a quick heads up to each other in the event that the person asking (such as mother-in-laws) will then turn right around and call spouse. There was definitely conflict where trying to balance and figure out fairness, safety, and compassion were difficult and sometimes heated. Relatedly, this is not an impolite thing to say. Me: .No. This, maybe prefaced with mostly working or some generic busy thing. And if I run into but surely you dont need BOTH days to yourself? Im also prepared to retort with something like, Maybe you dont, but Im very excited for two days to decompress. But its all about context, and thats not the context the LW is talking about. Why, whats up?, Yessss exactly. I love that you are into mountain biking! People hinting around leading up to asking for dates: Pretty much the same deal, only much more dangerous. This is OT, but if someone would like to explain how its supposed to work in the US, Id appreciate it. (This one is so trite that it takes a few moments for the humor to sink in.) You may also eagerly seize on these options and/or provide some of your own., (2) Hey, Im looking for someone to cat-sit while Im out of town for the next three months. E- Excitement. (Like just because I have no plans, I must do the Thing she wants to do. So I got in the habit of saying, I have no plans and thats just the way I like it. If an invitation to something materializes at this reply, I have no problem saying No. 2. Thats the way to go. I dont find it weird, I think its just whiteness and the safest thing to do is presume white people are going to be like this to some extent, until they prove otherwise. LW is pretty clearly not talking so much about people making casual small talk as people being roundabout manipulative. Auto-Reply Email Sample for Customer Service: A Personalized Template Work it like a weekend warrior! Unhelpful? It changed how I felt about her for a long time. If those people have sufficient ability to cause difficulty or danger if they are displeased, it may not be advisable to say to them but not because it it rude; because those people cause problems when things dont go their way. ' If you ' re studying, doing homework or anything else you deem daunting, this is a great text to send your crush. Because Im white, I fortunately have the privilege of knowing that 9 times out of 10 its just genuine curiosity and an attempt at polite small talk (theres always the 1 thats still xenophobic, though, like the cashier who blurted out when are you leaving, then? or the psychiatrist who refused me medical treatment because I should be going back to my home country soon anywayIm married and staying here, sorry to disappoint). I actually get this a lot from people who are actually trying to start conversations, rather than invite me somewhere. And I try to be easier on myself for not having more exciting weekend plans. The Im entitled to your assistance is the MINOR part of this.). ME: Hi [Friend], Id like to plan a karaoke night with you, are you free [date] or [date]? It can mean I want to make plans if youre freewhich, for me at least, isnt so much plan it for me as planning is hard, lets establish if theres even an open time slot before we nail down the details. I'm sorry I can't really talk right now. And they come up organicallyI dont invent them just to make her jump through hoops. This auto-reply is just to let you know. I also like the advice to just tell people I interact with regularly that I dont like that question. But in the age of smart phones I also find Im going to have to check my email before I say yes to that, so let me get back to you helpful. And I hate being rude, also as a woman I am hardcore trained to not ever be rude, so at this point for me sticking to my guns and saying no, I cant do that thing with you (even though this person now knows I technically CAN) is very difficult because it turns into: I dont WANT to do this thing with you, and thats a no-no (around here, I mean). There are some funny responses to "what are you going to do with your life" for when your family keeps asking you the same dull questions. I live in a face culture, so saving the face of the invitee who wants to turn your invitation down is very important. What are you up to this weekend? is an absolutely normal question and learning to use it is not a failure of yourself. If you have a new question, start a new topic. Bear in mind that you may only ask where are you from once, but the person with the non-local accent is not unlikely to be asked multiple times a day, every single day for YEARS; and POC may be on the receiving end for their whole lives. With new acquaintances, well often exchange We should hang out/get a drink/whatever sometime!s multiple times over a period of a few weeks or months before one of us says, Hey, Im going to Event on Friday, do you want to come? Its an intermediary step between I just met you and Lets hang out one-on-one at my request.. Throwing another vote in for a friendly Why? or Why, whats up? Assuming I like them, I usually say it with a smile or an inviting tone. I usually respond Why do you need to know? unless its someone I really trust. - Casey Stengel In a lot of cases I dont think its meant to be manipulative, its just a verbal tic. Depending on the purpose of the encounter, that might mark the end of the interaction or serve as an agreed-upon signal for one or the other or both parties to end the dance of content-free niceties and get to the point or commence the conducting of shared business. Its just a formulaic greeting. Although I have one co-worker who apparently does laundry on weekdays sometimes. Im talking about the OMG, how can you feel that way?! Plus they have the freedom to say Nah, cant on Saturday, but Im free Friday or whatever. Also, if you want people to drop the polite social conventions and be direct with youmaybe try directly telling them this? That! and she looked really pissed off, and I worried that maybe it sounded like I was looking for an excuse, any excuse, to get out of whatever she was proposing.