), Yeah man, Id be super bummed if my wife went to Vegas and didnt take me with her, I freakin love Vegas!. 27 Family Vacation Ideas for a Trip They'll Never Forget This is not helpful to the conversation, but seeing posts like this always remind me of a relationship I got out of many years ago (just 3 months before our wedding date!) I love her, and I know she warns me about this because she loves me and she wants me to be safe, but Im just really glad to see Im not the only one right now!! Your level of trust in him. Ioverheard mymother-in-law say, Did she really have nowhere else togo. Other National Geographic Family Journeys from G Adventures include bucket-list family vacation destinations like Iceland, Japan, South Africa, Peru, Costa Rica, Morocco, and Vietnam. And when she called home she was mean to me and I noticed she fixed her hair differently and she looked very happy. He loves listening to me talk about my trips and my hobbies and adventures, and I love hearing him talk about how he spends hours painting toy soldiers. The country really isnt so homogeneous on this kind of experience that you have to seek out people to agree with you on this no matter where you live. Totally. A difficult or stressful situation with in-laws can cause undue stress and anxiety, making you feel rejected and undervalued. The no Go Fish rule was not present in my home, but I was told to respect the kidss parents whod made that rule and abide by it around those kids, because the rule seemed a reasonable difference between my parents and theirs (rather than wholly bizarre). People understand the environment and are very vigilant about what is going on. You could be going to New Orleans for Mardi Gras and uh, yes, of course she can go away without me is still the correct answer. Hello thanks for the comment but I do work I manage over 400 rental properties and Im a professional gardener for a estate. But even if its absolutely true that hes worried about this, NO WAY should OP allow her husbands irrational fear sabotage her job! Either way, its important for both ofyou tocommunicate about such animportant issue sothat things dont escalate further than necessary. And opportunities to cheat and people who will spike a strangers drink exist in every city. Do I Have to Travel with Husband to Visit In-laws? - Mamapedia I guess I read that differently than everyone else? Obviously we will have to stop every few hours to feed her. A therapist will be of substantial benefit to OP in uncovering these typically subconcious assumptions and patterns, and mindfully challenging them and acquiring a different and more equitable relationship with her husband. Its the inappropriate (in typical American business culture) reaction of the husband thats the issue here, not whether its legitimate to try and get out of business trips sometimes. Ive also gone on holiday with my mum and my grandmother for a week or two at a time. His parents are awful. Rooms were kinda cheap, and Im sure the convention center was cheap. One day was outside. o_o, As an Iowa alum, I can personally vouch that Ive seen more drunken debauchery in Iowa City than I have on the Vegas Strip. When I first started at my last full-time job, a coworker and I were both sent to Washington DC for a three-day conference to learn our jobs (wed both started around the same time, in a very niche legal field). I mean, it isnt like he is supporting them. All the more reason to get out and build a life with someone who is your partner and not a leach who wants to cripple your independence and your career. Me doing anything outside of our normal routine puts an additional child care burden on her, and vice versa. One of my best friends took his family (2 very young children) to Vegas, and they had a great time. I know this is way off-topic, but deplane is a horrendous word. And the issue was never me, or our marriage or anything like that, it was entirely a him problem, his anxiety and fear due to an accident we had Christmas eve one year. I say this because I have a hard time believing that someone who had actually been to Vegas would hold these opinions about it honestly its not my favorite place because I find it too crazy and overstimulating, but I have never felt I was in any kind of danger. CES, the Consumer Electronics Show is held there yearly, and is a massive tech conference, millions of square feet of conference space. The second I walked in the front door I thought this is exactly the type of place where the murder of the week happens in almost every episode. Boss was happily married, and both he and his wife treated me like a daughter. Both of us are fairly standard issue normative American. Updated: June 23, 2020. I really hate the bad rap Vegas gets. Its bizarre to talk about letting another adult do anythingtalk about patronizing. The next step absolutely should be counseling, but I dont know that its fair for us to fault the OP for not making it the first step, you know? People women, even! Yes, its off the strip, but my room was GIGANTIC. Yeah, my husband takes business trips to Vegas multiple times a year. 7. Do NOT potentially sabotage your career over this, especially if you are the main breadwinner. This is OPs husbands issue, not hers. It blows my mind that people see this as acceptable behaviour. At work? I can tell you thisd be a divorce-level issue if I did it with my wife. And added to that: if the husband doesnt believe its his issue, hes not likely to be willing to do the work of finding a therapist and getting therapy. Sometimes, well go together on business trips (one of us taking it as vacation) this isnt something you can do every time, but it also seems to help him tremendously, especially on his own business travel. I cant recall exactly how they recommended to handle it, but it started with asking the spouse about what exactly they feared and coming to a compromise that would address the fear. Both individuals will benefit from communication tools to use in challenging this kind of worry-filled thinking. I dont think people are misreading; I think that the phrasing is confusing but that context indicates its meaning. It could be, but its tougher to stay up all night gambling and partying in the middle of the week in NY or SF. I second Alisons advice that marital counseling is needed. And my husband has two business trips of at least four days each in the next two months and Im rather thrilled. We talked about it a lot and it turns out that most of his fears were based on baggage from previous relationships (2 of his exes cheated). I used the work on policy areas around crime, and in the UK, people places with low crime rates have a much higher fear of crime than people from high crime areas. Then they can work together to find a way to work with his fears, like maybe she checks in with him a few times a day at certain times. (FWIW Im married and work FT and during tax season Ive come home at 10-12 PM. Depending on your husband's interests and how often you plan to visit the parks, there may be a pass that suits his needs. But Im not lazy I just love my wife and after 8 yrs of marriage Im worried shes bored with me. Im all for giving your loved ones the name of the hotel youre staying at and checking in on a nightly basis (Ive done it myself) but if hes being controlling and/or anxious, there may be no amount of information that will be enough to assuage him. There are opportunities everywhere for illicit behavior, even at home. We stayed at the Excalibur (the kids LOVED staying in a castle, saw the jousting show, the MGM Lions, the aquarium at Mandalay Bay, and we also took them to play games at Circus Circus. Shed never thought about it because shed only seen the Strip depictions. Like AAM said it is mostly conference rooms and exhaustion afterword. Would he partake in an support of psychological therapy and consoling? I find her a little insane in terms of worrying. So, later this year I am going on a two-week hiking trip with a couple of friends one of whom is a man, even! should I be so emotionally drained by managing? Fortunately, he wouldnt even ask because, (1) jeez, who needs survey results to help you navigate your marriage? Hed get support from his friends and family. Is this the one about the rationalist who refused to pick up broken glass? (And I love it when he goes on trips: he likes traveling.) And who are all these people in his scientific study that are so against letting their SO go to Las Vegas for a business trip?? Maybe his friends dont work either and are supported by their wives. She needs to act on whats happening, and then maybe delve into the why with AAMs excellent advice. What the hell? You dont get PERMISSION, you agree that something is good, or you dont, but this bs about him letting you go on a work trip is just gross. Alison doesnt usually change letter writers words, so I think itll probably stand as is. Its a big deal, but its not the end of the world for either of you. I read books. For example, many people have inherited cultural baggage that makes them scoff at the idea of therapy, which they think is for crazy people. I think that makes all the difference hereOP doesnt just have a grinding job. Not because I felt unsafe (though I kind of did, but I could remind myself that was because of CSI and not because of logic) but mostly because it was also not clean enough for my standards and the savings werent worth it the amount of time I spent trying to get places. We have tracks and the OTB, there are also lots of easy-to-locate poker games that are semi-legal. Just those who DO think its abuse should be aware that when they think that, the best thing to suggest is individual not joint therapy. The only people who would have a problem with visiting Las Vegas would be someone who has never been there! Arguments are by turns rewarding, arousing (in the physical arousal sense), angering, and anxiety-provoking. Hopefully this question to AAM will lead in the direction of help. How does he handle that? So yeah somethings just not right. Context does not change would into wouldnt. either. And heres what wethink will help. Women will agree with a spouse to avoid conflict. And absolutely do not let his anxiety limit your life. OP, we can all surmise the reasons for his behavior as much as we want to, but this sounds like something you and your husband should work out together in counseling (or separately in counseling, if that appeals more to him.) The idea of where we are in danger is terribly skewed in the US. That doesnt strike me as weird at all. Yup, wholeheartedly agree. Oh, god, me too! Note: After I wrote this answer, I received more details about the letter-writer about exactly what her husbands objections are. I dont even like Vegas and end up there twice a year because its such a common conference location because of the affordability. Honestly, it feels awful. I wish this would have been the first comment because it frames the issue perfectly. And voila- you're on the coast! LWs spouse is overreacting for sure. A city with a lot of hotels and legalized gambling, but it also has residential neighborhoods, malls, schools, etc. There are a lot of factors that go into deciding where to hold tradeshows and conferences, and none of them have to do with facilitating people being unfaithful to their spouses. Did he not get the memo thats not how dating works. Talk about what services you provide. Theres concern, and then theres overreacting. Once I was done baby would go back into his seat until the next time. And of course brains being not rational, could be a whole soup of something bad will happen which combines kidnapping, cheating, meeting someone else and Vegas-marrying them despite already being marriedregardless, I think OP should go on the trip. I am late to this thread but Working Wife, I want you to know that I was in a similar situation when I first married my husband he was excessively concerned with stuff like this, with the subtext that he was afraid I would cheat. Its stupid of me, I know. I suppose OP knows her own husband best, theres a chance inviting him along would be an offer of Good Faith to show that theres really nothing all that bad about Sin City. Or hes over-reporting the level of agreement he got? It's not super fun, but not a nightmare either. Leave the argument and do that as consistently as you can. Her starting point is out of loveshe doesnt want to lose me. Its been a while, but the last time I went to Vegas, we went to a Cirque du Soleil show, did a lot of shoe shopping, and took a drive out to the hoover dam (and took a cool tour). Yup. The ugliness. If your husband has never traveled for business, and hasnt traveled much in his personal life, and his friends have similar life experiences, then its no wonder that hes created this scenario where all that happens in Vegas is affairs and crimes. Plan and reminisce together to create shared anticipation beforehand and shared . seem much more based on portrayals in television/movies rather than reality. This isnt about Las Vegas or about you or even about your jobits that he wants to control you, and any threat to his perception that he doesnt have complete control over you is going to end in a tantrum. If you refuse to go, it is very likely to cause repercussions at work. But not wholesome. I had no other work pending and a ton of free time, so what did I do? Ha, my team at Exjob traveled all the time (consultants) and they said the only thing good about it was the FF miles and points. Vegas and Orlando are excellent places for corporate retreats because theyre relatively cheap to fly to and theyre set up for this kind of thing. Remember, what happens in Vegas stays on YouTube forever. < accurate. The thing is, if you go there repeatedly the sheen really does wear off. asks from Lake Charles, LA on June 30, 2011. Please whitelist our site to get all the best deals and offers from our partners. I suspect that he says that because he can frame it as Im only concerned for YOUR safety, rather than When you go to Las Vegas, I feel like I am not in control of you, and that makes me unhappy. I bet he doesnt even really think you will cheatits about knowing that you COULD and he wouldnt see and couldnt do anything about it. Answer (1 of 74): I can explain this with a story, which is below, but basically - you can't change someone else. Either hes being very careful who he asks so that hes only asking people who would agree with him, or hes converting noncommittal answers (e.g., Yeah, I can see that youre upset) into See? my husband doesn't want me to go on a business trip to Vegas First, therapy is good, but medication is faster. Right? Its better than it has been at times, but it never quite goes away. Inviting him to go might be a stop-gap measure to cover this trip. by Christy Cox for Divorced Moms. Thoughts? Theres a section in the book Emotional Blackmail: When the People in Your Life Use Fear, Obligation, and Guilt to Manipulate You, by Susan Forward and Donna Frazier, that deals with a spouse like the OPs someone trying to manipulate their spouse away from going on an important business trip. I bought a single-serve bottle of wine in the hotel convenience store and enjoyed it in my room. People dont completely change upon touchdown in Vegas. Most of the shows arent appealing, either, and theyre almost all too expensive. You really really need to have those shirts washed in that way? I would have zero concerns about my husband going to Vegas without me, and I know that he would have zero concerns about me going without him. Its so odd that he seems so fixated on Vegas (which can be perfectly harmless, I went there many times as a small child and turned out just fine). EhIm not calling a mans insecurities abuse. Agree with the advice for counseling. You could walk up to the bar to order a drink and tell that person you need some assistance and they are on it in seconds. Excuse me? Best of luck on your issues, and I hope you get the resolution youre seeking! Best of luck! Hyperbole and feigned hysteria are not the same thing. The part about staying on the same team is so, so key, and I hope the OPs husband approaches this as thoughtfully as you have. People in my family are prone to anxiety disorders manifesting themselves in this way (including me, yay!