In the 60s, the CIA hatched a plan to implant a battery and a We were marching to the chow hall when we spotted a pathetic-looking recruit standing at attention by a mailbox, a whole book of stamps plastered to his forehead. Why didnt the troop tell anyone about their rank in the military? They want their patients to see 20:20! Discover a funny military joke about the U.S. Army with this list. Did it work? Once at the club, I drove up to the entrance, where the doorman promptly came to the passenger door and assisted my wife out of the car. Major countries like the USA, India, Russia, and China have the . 27. Please speak after the tone or, if you require more options, listen to the following numbers: A. But other times, we also want some good clean humor with no chance of ruffling feathers. Military jokes - Pinterest Kassidy Barber is the Assistant Editor for VeteranLife.com and MyBaseGuide.com. In the 60s, the CIA hatched a plan to implant a battery and a microphone in a cat so the furry feline could spy on unsuspecting targets. Good RAF Army Banter/Jokes - PPRuNe Forums S | Auto land not installed on this aircraft. I served in Japan, said Uncle Sid. Marines Say OOOOORAH! Overheard on a flight into Regina, on a particularly windy and bumpy day: During the final approach, the Captain really had to fight to control it. Around midnight, I noticed movement behind a bush. Pointing to the My husbands cousin married a former Marine who now works for United Parcel Service. 2) American combat dolphins, deployed in the Persian Gulf, surrounded and captured an Iranian battleship. Trust us; we have plenty of those, too. Shotgun: Comparison for a First-Time Gun Buyer, What Are The Basic Parts Of Ammunition? I was standing watch when an old, run-down freighter named Sagar Moti passed by. If you have a small child travelling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. You have plenty of time. Jack Girard. Each branch has its own traditional jokes that have caused a lot of laughing for many years. Reply: No, I say again. How do you know when your date with a fighter pilot is halfway over? Ummm no, youre good, he mumbled. We have one or two in here! Joke #1 Ask the Army to secure a building and they will set up a perimeter around it and make sure nobody gets out. Discussion Board on this Military Joke. I told him that I had a date that night and asked for a very close shave. Jokes about crayon eaters and narcissistic Air Force personnel will never get old, though. My friend kept asking what my military rank was, but I kept telling him its Private. When finally open guaranteed to spill everywhere, 60. The irate sergeant scrambled back up amid guffaws and barked, Those who laughed, get down and give me 20! A.J. Aircraft Engineers 1. What did you do? My 90-year-old dad was giving a talk at our local library about his World War II experiences. Problems reported by Pilots and Solutions noted by Aircraft Engineers in aircraft Technical Logs. While in Kuwait, shortly before we deployed to Iraq, a major general told our meeting that we should expect to cross into Iraq in less than 24 hours. He then My gunnery sergeant and I were inspecting a Marine training exercise when we spotted a second lieutenant ambling about. What do pilots and air traffic controllers have in common? What grades do you need to get to join the Navy? Here soldiers share what theyve gleaned from past gaffes: Where is your foxhole, Lieutenant? I asked. A pilot is a confused soul who talks about women when he is flying, and about flying when he is with a woman. 37. Dad got quiet. The veteran bomber pilot answered, "Try this hot-shot". When a Navy fighter pilot saw this, he decided to approach the man and see what he was doing. Bomber Pilots Do Them Too. Unfortunately for him, our lecturer caught him. The Scouts at least have adult supervision. Why was the sergeant made when his son brought home an A in math? But before I could get out, he pointed to the other end of the building and said, The band entrance is that way. Gordon Van Otteren. It does look like its been fished out from the bottom of the sea.. Me: No. Why do members of the military often marry lovers from the foreign countries they were deployed in? What are you doing? I asked. Anecdotes 2. Countdown to Iditarod 2023: Tributes, jokes and celebrations as mushers Recently, a neighbor turned 100, and a big birthday party was thrown. Learn from the mistakes of others. More information More like this ", "Sir, have you ever heard the noise a 747 makes when it hits a 727?". There was one particular sergeant that worried about everything possible. But my fears were put Our bases Army Exchange Service carried a particular brand of underarm deodorant that I liked and bought for years. When they come home, they get to leave their inlaws thousands of miles away. Laugh or cringe but please enjoy. The B-52 continued its flight, straight and level. 'There are bold pilots, and old pilots, but very few old bold pilots.' - 1930s Army Air Corps Sign. I got one here related to the tranparency of Soviet news.. ----- *News report from Soviet press agency* A friendly communist agricultural tractor was intercepted by enemy group of seven Chinese battle tanks, while performing its everyday works on wheat fields along Soviet-Chinese border. ", "Sir" she calmly answered, "if I'd had any of those items, I would have used them by now". Was looking for the best candidate to fill a spot on a field team. All you have to do is remove the dirt.. Even his son turned up. Next time I send a damn fool, I go myself., My high school assignment was to ask a veteran about World War II. During World War II, my father often found himself stuck with KP duty. USAF Manual It is generally inadvisable to eject over the area you have just bombed, 6. I served in Korea, said Uncle Jerry. Military Jokes Military Humor - StrategyPage So, instead, they put me in the Navy since I was a sub-marine. It was basic training, and I was seated in the barber chair bemoaning the impending loss of my hair when the barber asked, Theyre U.S. AF! He looked over at the Soldier and said when are we going to stop playing these games, spitting in each others boots and pissing in each others drinks, its so juvenile!. Reply: This is a lighthouse your call.. There was bound to be trouble, and I was right, because suddenly, he fell silenteyebrows arched, brain overloaded. Whats the difference between a special forces member of the Navy and an otter? you cant do both. Here soldiers share what theyve gleaned from past gaffes: I was cold Im convinced my cockroaches have military training. 8. The flight attendant on our trip was handing out plastic pilot wings to some kids. Air Traffic Control 6. Eat up! San JoseTower: "Flight 751 heavy, turn right at the end if able. The Marines will kill everyone inside and then set up headquarters. Our bases Army Exchange Service carried a particular brand of underarm deodorant that I liked and bought for years. Aeronautical Humor. I say again, stand down and divert your course. We recommend our users to update the browser. Always try to keep the number of landings you make equal to the number of take offs you've made. So I quit ordering it.. He pulled out a pair of running shoes and started putting them on. We know that there are hundreds and hundreds of military jokes out there. Dont think so? Do not conduct live fire exercises at the generals (unattended) jeep, even if its parked in an area clearly marked Live Fire Zone. If you have a military joke you think our readers would like then send it to military_jokes@strategyworld.com. Are you sure you followed the recipe?. Caller: Is Sgt. 1) In World War II, a German U-boat was sunk because of a malfunctioning toilet. If I don't ride that helicopter, I might never get another chance", To this, Warren replied, "Joy that helicopter is fifty quid, and fifty quid is fifty quid", The pilot overheard the couple and said, "Folks I'll make you a deal. The Lasting Supper Hey, Im from Chicago too!. ", 55. 2023 The Arena Media Brands, LLC and respective content providers on this website. Then one day I couldnt find it. But yours is.. The instructor walked over until he was eye-to-eye with me, and then just raised a single eyebrow. He had noticed that, for the umpteenth time, a recruit kept going to his right on a left command. The only time you have too much fuel is when you are on fire, 47. If pilots screw up, they die. Ask the Marines to secure a building and they will charge in, kill everybody inside, and then set up defenses to make sure nobody gets in. Baltimore, said Dad. What do you use on your face to keep it so smooth? I During orientation at Fort Sill, in Oklahoma, our first sergeant stated that if anyone lost his locker key to see him, as he kept a master key in his office. DeFrigNo! It was PRIVATE. 10. Good judgment comes from experience. 1. He says, Anyway, enough about me. The military may have invented the Internet, but not all government schemes have worked as well. Two hunters got a pilot to fly them to Canada to hunt moose. On an internal Flight with a very Senior Flight Attendant crew, the pilot said, Ladies and Gentlemen, we've reached cruising altitude and will be turning down the cabin lights. Anytime someone asked what his father did, hed say, Hes in the Army. I told him Never fly in the same cockpit with someone braver than you. Once during target practice, an unmanned drone flew past an antiaircraft cruiser. Sometime later, when the examination was over, he was helped out of the machine by a far older woman. A senior chief prompted his 25 sailors by saying, I have an easy job for the laziest man here. Here are some favorites from rallypoint.com: Instructed a private in the mess hall to look for left-handed spatulas My 90-year-old dad was giving a talk at our local library about his World War II experiences. 11. These pilots' jokes can easily be turned into a pilot pun and other airlines' jokes. Yeah, I got in a lot of trouble for that, the gunner said. Marine Approved is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associate Program. What should have been the day we chose to celebrate World Military Day? USMC: OHH! 30. I was stationed in England with the Air Force when I went to a local barber. S | No 2 propeller seepage normal - No 1, No 3, and No 4 propellers lack normal seepage. Ocean Pearl, I answered. He is the Founder and . As you exit the plane, make sure to gather all of your belongings. ", The engineer said, 'Look, I'm an engineer. ", The customs agent began his interrogation "Ma'am, do you have any weapons, contraband, or illegal drugs in your possession? Im throwing up just as far as the rest of these guys.. We made a private sweep all the sunshine off the sidewalks. In this great little clip, an SR-71 pilot tells a story about flying around the Western United States to build up crew hours when small plane pilots started calling into air traffic control to ask . You might be in the Coast Guard if you abbreviate words so much that you forget how to spell them out. "Last one off the plane has to clean it", 25. He then added confidentially, Weve already been through three escorts. It was always selling out, and I could never keep it in stock. Trask (his last name) used that heritage to lord it over me. After a very heavy landing in Halifax, the Flight Attendant announced; Ladies and Gentlemen, please remain in your seats until Captain Crash and the Crew have brought the aircraft to a screeching halt against the gate. Thats why in the Navy, the captain goes down with the ship. I was working in Army security when a VIP from another base called to ask to whom he should address an important letter. Airman: "The worst was when the air conditioner broke in our tent and it was 110 degrees outside!" Soldier: "No way, you guys had air conditioners? An officer asked if I knew what it meant. The danger of incident is no jokein 1985, a Japanese 747 airliner lost its tail midflight and plummeted into a mountain, killing 520 in the deadliest aircraft accident involving just one plane . One day, at an event honoring veterans, a young man asked where they had been stationed. Our instructor approached the directionally challenged Marine and stomped on his left foot. If a baby joined the Army, where would they belong? She observed that the men now walked over 20 paces BEHIND their wives! If you want it any closer than that, youll have to bite em off from the inside.. Me: No, I dont. Funny Military Jokes | Army, Navy, Air Force, Marine Corps - VetFriends They bagged six. Good news and bad news, my instructor said. Caller: Is Sgt. Why do optometrists set their clocks to military time? Once during target practice, an unmanned drone flew past an antiaircraft cruiser. I could have as many babies as I want because giving birth is free. To begin with, the U.S. in early 2022 had 38,500 troops stationed on German soil almost 40% of the total number it deploys in all of Europe. U.S. Air Force Grounds Hundreds of Jets: Their Tails May Fall Off As they started loading the plane for the return trip, the pilot said the plane could take only four moose. The list below includes humorous one-liners and stories that will make your military friends and family members laugh like never before. Military Aviation - Technology: Where it Started and Where it's Going 5. There are optimists and pessimists in aviation. My dad and uncles were all in the Army during wartime, but only two of the three served overseas. They are the ones protecting us at all times from external threats. Please remain in your seats with your seat belts fastened while the Captain taxis what's left of our airplane to the gate, 18. He had noticed that, for the umpteenth time, a recruit kept going to his right on a left command. Military jokes, Aviation humor, Military humor - Pinterest There are many branches of the military. When the sergeant told our new commander that his driver could not participate in an upcoming field maneuver because she was pregnant, the enraged commander demanded to know just how pregnant she was. ", "Yes, sir," my mother said with a sigh. Oh, youre a troop who survived pepper spray AND mustard gas? A concerned passenger asked the flight attendant, "What was the problem?" "The pilot was bothered by a noise he heard in the engine," explained the flight attendant, "and it took . The military may have invented the Internet, but not all government schemes have worked as well. ! Hazing the new guy, he said with a grin. The optimist invests the aeroplane and the pessimist invents the parachute. Its a NO FLY zone! 12. A visitor, returning to Kuwait for the first time since the Gulf War, was impressed by a sociological change. Why is the United States Air Force the most patriotic military branch? Choose from military jokes such as army jokes, navy jokes and marine jokes that will bring out the military humor in the most serious sergeants. A friend paid my mother a visit. The c.i.a. ", Warren always replied, "I know Joy, but that helicopter ride is fifty quid, and fifty quid is fifty quid", One year Warren and Joy went to the Show, and Joy said, "Warren, I'm 85 years old. U.S. Navy Warship: This is the captain of a U.S. Navy ship. 14. For example, heres what happens when each of them is told to secure a building. He started this website while transitioning out of the Marines, and since has recruited several other Marines to help him work on the Marine Approved website. Whats the difference between a fighter pilot and a fighter jet? Soldier: No way, you guys had air conditioners? In-flight Snacks Little treats sealed in a bag that can only be opened by using a chainsaw. If all you can see out of the window is ground that's going round and round and all you can hear is commotion coming from the passenger compartment, things are not at all, as they should be. Some of the jokes on this list I first read and on their websites. I met his wife and baby and was impressed that he had all his flight gear During KP duty, my sergeant ordered me to prepare 100 gallons of soup for that nights dinner. The trick is to fill the bag of experience before you empty the bag of luck. This poor old fool, thought the Navy officer, so he invited the old man inside to buy him a drink. Dear Soldier, If youre having a rough day, remember the most important thing in life is to be yourself. Do not communicate with officers using only Madonna lyrics. Airman: The worst was when the air conditioner broke in our tent and it was 110 degrees outside! Had a new guy conduct a boom test on a howitzer by yelling Boom! down the tube in order to calibrate it And we don't even wonder 'why' because one has to twiddle their thumbs one way or another. Why did the optometrist set his clock to military time? I enjoyed the humor section quite a bit. Reliable sources report that mountains have been known to hide out in clouds. Every military branch thinks that theyre the best, the most important, and in their own way the hardest working. 36. The U.S. Navy uses the stars to navigate. Economy Class Conditions under which transportation of animals would constitute a criminal offence, 57. Explaining the use of the controls to a student "If you push the stick forward, the houses get bigger, if you pull the stick back they get smaller. Two engineering students were biking across a university campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike? Whats an LMD? I asked. He nodded. The military refers to a collection of all the armed forces of a particular country.. My father was serving in a port city in postWorld War II Germany when a ship laden with GIs docked. 2) American combat dolphins, deployed in the Persian Gulf, surrounded and captured an Iranian battleship. After my niece returned from her second tour in Iraq, I remarked how beautiful her complexion looked. I admit itI have a tendency to exaggerate, and I was afraid when I joined the Navy that my creativity might get me in trouble. One day you will walk out to your aircraft NOT KNOWING that it is your last flight. Two Army second lieutenants started debating over certain distances. 13:30 comes and goes. What do you call a Marines with an IQ of 160? Then came Dads ships turn. 9. Reluctantly, he showed it to me. Death is just natures way of telling you to watch your airspeed. What did the Navy dentist put on his license plate? Even his son turned up. Rodrigues there? However, one day he came into the room whistling with a smile on his face. The cruiser opened up, shells furiously flying all around the drone but not hitting it. Hotel/Car Rental Shuttle Bus Vehicle subject to paranormal effects. Why Do We Celebrate It? AVIATION HUMOR - Sierra Hotel Aeronautics 4. A tank ran over a bag of popcorn and apparently, two kernels were killed! Why do flight attendants make great astronauts? Ocean Pearl, I answered. My startled classmate sat up and responded, Place a temporary filling, sir!. A young pilot in a Fighter Jet was flying escort for a B-52 Bomber and generally being a nuisance, acting like a big hotshot, flying loops around the lumbering old bomber. We were marching to the chow hall when we spotted a pathetic-looking recruit standing at attention by a mailbox, a whole book of stamps plastered to his forehead. When I enlisted in my teens, I took up smoking cigars to make myself look more mature. Yes, she said. Aircraft Carriers Airshows Aviation History Aviation Humor Books Civil Aviation Cold War Era Drones F-14 Tomcat Helicopters Losses/Aviation Safety MiG Killers Military Aviation Space SR-71 Blackbird SR-71 Top Speed U.S. Navy Warbirds Weapons Yearly Summary. She also liked her scotch. Long Haul As the soldiers disembarked, they started to jeer and boo. S | Reprogrammed Target Radar with the words. 100+ WW2 Trivia Questions For HistoryBuffs, 17 Military Personnel Talk About The Creepiest Thing Theyve Seen OnDuty, 100+ Scary Stories to Read in the Dark to Leave You With Chills[2021], A Writers Diary Entries From Mid-April,1986, 30 Spooky Paranormal Stories From Former MilitaryPersonnel, You might be in the Coast Guard if people have looked at you and said, The Coast Guard is part of the military?, You might be in the Coast Guard if your child points to the ship and says, Thats where my parent lives!, You might be a Coastie if you head an HH-65 and. For more information about us or joining the team, check out the About Us tab. Thats Daddy. What do you call a training sergeant who's very kind and respectful? I cant, he said, but thats his worry now., An Air Force pilot says to a seaman, Youre in the Navy but you cant swim?, The seaman replies, Are you saying that since youre in the Air Force youre able to fly?. An officer calls a young Soldier to attention, scolding him for not attending camouflage training that morning. Since it was a formal affair at a country club, I went in my officers dress blue uniform. The owner of this website does not guarantee offers on this site, and all offers should be viewed as recommendations only. 40. She told me she warships them. As I stepped forward, she jokingly offered me one, but I passed. Collecting our many suitcases, the ten of us entered the cramped customs area. Caller: Is Sgt. While on maneuvers in the Mojave Desert, our convoy got lost, forcing our lieutenant to radio for help. 4. Ask the Army to secure a building and they will set up a perimeter around it and make sure nobody gets out. August 15, 2021. Forty years later, Dad met the man responsible, and he told him how impressed he had been. As for the rest of you, get down and give me 40 for lying!. and check out military jokes from other Vets, troops, and military support personnel! The Funniest Aviation Jokes and Anecdotes - LetterPile ", Warren replied, "Well, to tell you the truth, I almost said something when Joy fell out, but you know, fifty quid is fifty quid". This class yielded some very famous aircraft, many we still use today. 32. I was working in Army security when a VIP from another base called to ask to whom he should address an important letter. Dad always bragged about the gunners on his ship. ", The Cherokee pilot, not about to let the insult go by, came back with "I made it out of DC-8 parts. Me: Still the wrong number. Then, in a soft voice, he said, Probably. It helps to keep the pilot cool. I just shut down two engines, kid" came the sarcastic reply. Semper Pie The gunners very first shot sent the drone into the water! 45. The reason? Types of Rifles Every Shooter Should Know About, Rifle Vs. Comedian Martha Raye was a great supporter of the military and made many trips to Vietnam to entertain the troops. 55+ Best Pilot Jokes That Fly | Kidadl It took the poor guy all day. 29. We are no longer supporting IE (Internet Explorer) as we strive to provide site experiences for browsers that support new web standards and security practices. An Army Drill Sergeant took some recruits the the mess hall. Browse the list below to find a funny joke to tell one of your buddies. An Airman, Soldier, and Marine are sitting around talking about hardships they faced on their last deployment. Some are jokes that only the U.S. Air Force can understand while others are jokes made about those who are USAF members. Tower "Eastern 702, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on 124.7", Eastern 702 "Tower, Eastern 702 switching to Departure by the way, after we lifted off, we saw some kind of dead animal on the far end of the runway", Tower "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on 124.7; did you copy the report from Eastern? One day, the rain was pouring like crazy and a big puddle formed in front of a local pub just outside the Navy base. I would stay behind and neatly print each soldiers name onto his Army-issued underwear. It was sheer brilliance. I was awakened late one night by a phone call from nearby Fort Meade, in Maryland. What happened when a soldier went into an enemy bar? 44. When the Marine finishes up, he starts to head for the door. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and not say a word, I will not charge you. 38. How much noise can we make up here? While waiting every one will come by multiple times except yours, 62. The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week" The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it, and returned it to his pocket. Military Jokes and Humor stories have always amused and entertained. (pointing at the sky). Thanks for coming back for me, the airman said, jumping on the back of the scooter. Everything from puns to some sarcastic one-liners are included in the Army jokes below to crack on an Army member you know and love. 2. 'Never fly in the same cockpit. It is always better to be down here wishing you were up there than up there wishing you were down here. Dario Leone is an aviation, defense and military writer. Rather than move, he called the bridge: Hey, he said, can you shift the ship 15 degrees? He then made his way to my side. If you cant pick it up, paint it. Basic Army training rules goes as follows: If it moves, salute it. 54. They sure grow up fast, dont they?. A young customs official watched our entourage in disbelief, "Ma'am" he said, "Do all these children and this luggage belong to you? The average age of people living in our military retirement community is 85. From the plane came a laconic southern voice: . How different military branches use the stars: The U.S. Army sleeps beneath the stars. 30+ Best Military Jokes And Puns | Kidadl On-time Arrival Obscure term meaning unknown, 63. Keep up with Katee on Instagram and linkedin.com. The pilot of the 727 complained, "Do you know it costs us two thousand dollars to make a three-sixty in this airplane?, Without hesitating the controller replied, "Roger, give me four thousand dollars worth! If not able, take the Guadeloupe exit off of Highway 101 and make a right at the lights to return to the airport, 52. "They're all mine. 2010 The Thought & Expression Company, LLC. On-time Departure Cabin doors closed 15 minutes before scheduled departure time Subsequent delays are irrelevant. Anytime someone asked what his father did, hed say, Hes in the Army. I told him umpteen times, Stop telling people Im in the Army! It finally seemed to hit home because on the admittance form for kindergarten, under fathers profession, the teacher wrote, He doesnt know what his father does, but hes not in the Army.. 2. During a combat medical training class, the topic was blast injuries. 65. Yes, said the lieutenant. Officer: Soldier. What did the Coastie say when his friends asked why he was getting married? What do you call a group of kids who enlists in the military? Do not use 27 packs of sticky notes to label everything in the barracks so the general wont have any questions during the inspection. However, the mood was brightened when he received a birthday cake from We were inspecting several lots of grenades. How did I know my new coworker was a veteran? One is a SEAL, and the other is an otter! Jokes Archives - Aviation Humor A military base commander called to complain that the weather-forecasting software our company created for them kept reporting unexplainable wind shifts. The DC-8 landed, rolled out, turned around, and taxied back past the Cherokee. One day, I was told to report to my commanding officer, who ordered me to escort Ms. Raye. Discover the best military jokes with this expansive list that covers some old ones and some new ones to brighten your smile.